Wednesday, March 30, 2016

Feelin' Groovy

Perhaps not exactly groovy, but an enforced slow-down has given me time to think. After 7 days filming as an extra on The Fall, I ended up with a cold on top of a cold. After a few days it was getting worse.. off to the doctor.. 10 more days off work, rest, meds... Great! Except I wasn't getting better. The fatigue was starting to annoy me. I wasn't house-bound, but I needed a nap to get through JuJitsu. Trying to do a "normal" day of activity had me exhausted for 2 days. Back to the doc.. more sinus meds, more antibiotics, blood pressure meds... and more time off work! And time to think.

I don't mind my job, really. But it isn't what inspires me. I enjoy my little sideline job... tutoring. Before "the divorce", it is what I wanted to do.. make it a business. So, I got to thinking..why not? There are companies out there that offer free advice and help to start-ups. I have a savings account. I ENJOY private tutoring... it's challenging, mentally engaging, and nothing beats the feeling of a kid actually understanding something and saying "thank you!"

A business plan is in the works, as well as all the other stuff... insurance quotes and tax information, websites and advertising plans. The scary part? Taking the leap. Can I do it? I was hesitant...

But I had all the time in the world to think. I talked to people, went to jujitsu to clear my head, and got a lot of sleep. And then a few things happened. I ended up losing a good friend over a very dumb, and very solvable problem. No room for discussion. It left me baffled. Shortly thereafter I watched another friend go through some nasty stuff... and saw him keep his head high and carry on.  Did I want to be the person who was somehow meaningless, or did I want to go out on a limb and try to make something of my life, eventhough it may not work?

So I am going to go for it. I can ask for a career break/sabbatical at work... one of the justifiable reasons is to start a business. I hope they say yes. Is it scary? Damned straight. But I'd regret not trying..not giving my all to make it work.

I called the doctor today. My blood tests are clear, and I have a referral in to the ENT. I've been moving too fast, doing too much. I need to make the morning last and focus on what is important. And if it all goes tits-up? I start again. I did it before, and I can do it again.